After nearly fifty years of working with children, I've learned more than I could have imagined when I began my journey as a neuropsychologist. Children have been my most outstanding teachers, showing me the world through their eyes, full of wonder, resilience, and unfiltered honesty. I've shared in their joys, their struggles, and their triumphs. In return, they've imparted invaluable lessons that have shaped my career and life. Here are ten things I've learned from the countless children who have graced my practice over the past six decades.
Children Embrace Unconditional Love: The Purest Form of Affection
One of the most profound lessons I've learned from children is the power of unconditional love. Unlike adults, who often attach conditions to their affection—expecting something in return or requiring certain behaviors—children love simply and purely. They don't care if you're the best dressed in the room if you have a title before your name, or if you remembered to bring them a gift. They love you for who you are, just as you are. This has taught me the importance of loving others without expecting anything in return.
The ability of children to offer love without reservations is humbling and inspiring. It reminds us that at the core of all human interactions is a need for connection that is not based on transactional exchanges but on genuine emotional bonds. This lesson has impacted how I interact with the children in my practice and influenced my relationships outside of work. By observing children, I've learned to appreciate the simple gestures of love—like a smile, a hug, or a word of encouragement—that don't come with expectations or strings attached.
In many ways, the unconditional love children offer serves as a mirror, reflecting the areas where we, as adults, might fall short in our relationships. It challenges us to strip away the complexities and conditions we often impose on our interactions with others and return to a purer, more authentic form of love. This kind of love doesn't require grand gestures or perfect timing; it simply exists quietly and steadfastly in everyday life.
Children are a Wellspring of Curiosity and Wonder: The Joy of Asking Questions
Children are natural explorers. They approach the world with an innate curiosity and wonder, always asking questions and wanting to know more. This unquenchable thirst for knowledge has reminded me never to stop learning and to approach life with the same curious spirit. Though sometimes exhausting, the endless stream of "why" questions from children is a testament to their desire to understand the world around them. Unlike adults, who often accept things as they are or shy away from questioning established norms, children push boundaries and explore possibilities. Their curiosity is not limited by societal expectations or the fear of being wrong; instead, it is driven by an insatiable need to learn and grow.
As a neuropsychologist, I've seen how this curiosity can be a powerful tool for development. Children encouraged to ask questions and seek answers often develop a love for learning that stays with them throughout their lives. This love for learning is not confined to academic settings but extends to all areas of life. It encourages creativity, problem-solving, and critical thinking—essential skills for success.
In my practice, I've learned to embrace children's curiosity and use it to guide my approach to therapy and assessment. By encouraging children to ask questions and explore their thoughts and feelings, I've helped them better understand themselves and the world around them. This process has also helped me stay curious and open-minded, always looking for new ways to support and empower the children and families I serve.
Children Live in the Moment: The Art of Presence
Children have an incredible ability to live in the present moment. They're not bogged down by the past or worried about the future—they are here, right now, experiencing life as it unfolds. Many adults, myself included, struggle with this lesson. We're often so busy dwelling on what has been or planning for what's to come that we forget to enjoy our moment.
The ability to live in the moment is something that many of us lose as we grow older. We become preoccupied with responsibilities, deadlines, and the constant stream of information that demands our attention. We forget to take a step back and appreciate life's simple pleasures—the sun's warmth on our skin, the sound of laughter, or the feeling of accomplishment after completing a task. Children, on the other hand, are masters of presence. They fully immerse themselves in whatever they are doing, whether playing, learning, or observing the world around them.
This lesson has been significant in my work as a neuropsychologist. I've found that when I am fully present with a child during a session, our connection is more robust, and the therapeutic process is more effective. By focusing on the present moment, I can better understand the child's needs, respond to their emotions, and provide the support they need.
Living in the moment also helps reduce stress and anxiety, which are often rooted in concerns about the past or future. We can approach challenges with a clearer mind and a more balanced perspective by staying present. Children teach us this lesson every day, which can significantly improve our overall well-being if we embrace it.
Children Demonstrate Remarkable Resilience and Adaptability: The Power of Bouncing Back
Children are remarkably resilient. They face challenges head-on, and even when they fall, they bounce back with an energy and optimism that is nothing short of inspiring. Working with children has shown me that resilience is not just about enduring tough times but adapting and thriving in adversity.
Resilience is often underestimated, yet it is one of the most important traits for navigating the ups and downs of life. Children demonstrate resilience in countless ways—whether it's recovering from a scraped knee, adjusting to a new school, or coping with the loss of a loved one. They have an innate ability to move forward, even when faced with significant obstacles. This resilience is not about being unaffected by challenges; rather, it's about having the strength to keep going despite them.
In my practice, I've seen how resilience is crucial to a child's development and overall well-being. Children who are supported in developing resilience are better equipped to handle stress, overcome setbacks, and achieve their goals. They learn to see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable barriers.
One of the most potent aspects of resilience is its adaptability. Children are often more adaptable than adults because they are less set in their ways and more open to change. They are willing to try new things, take risks, and learn from their mistakes. This adaptability is a critical component of resilience, allowing children to adjust to new situations and continue moving forward, even when the path ahead is uncertain.
Children are Honest and Authentic: The Value of Being True to Yourself
If there's one thing children excel at, it's honesty. They say what they feel, often without a filter. While this can sometimes be amusing or even a little embarrassing, it's also a powerful reminder of the importance of authenticity. Children are true to themselves in a way that many adults struggle with. They don't wear masks or pretend to be something they're not—they are unapologetically themselves.
Honesty and authenticity are qualities that are often compromised as we grow older. We learn to navigate social expectations, hide our true feelings, and present ourselves in a way that we believe will be more acceptable to others. While this may be necessary in certain situations, it can also lead to a loss of authenticity and a disconnect between who we are and how we present ourselves to the world.
Children, on the other hand, have not yet learned to hide their true selves. They express their thoughts and feelings openly without worrying about how they will be perceived. This honesty can be refreshing and sometimes jarring, but it reminds us of the importance of being true to ourselves.
In my work, I've seen how authenticity can be a powerful tool for healing and growth. When children feel safe to express themselves honestly, they are more likely to engage in the therapeutic process and make meaningful progress. By encouraging children to be authentic, I can help them develop a strong sense of self-worth and confidence in who they are.
Honesty and authenticity are not just about telling the truth but about living in alignment with our values and beliefs. Children teach us that it is possible to be true to ourselves, even in a world that often pressures us to conform. They remind us that the most meaningful connections are built on authenticity and that being honest with ourselves and others is the foundation of a fulfilling life.
Children Possess Unlimited Imagination and Creativity: The Freedom to Dream Big
Children's imagination knows no bounds. They create worlds, characters, and stories as vivid and complex as any adult could conceive. Their creativity reminds us that we, too, can think outside the box, dream big, and view the world not just as it is but as it could be.
Imagination and creativity are essential components of a child's development. Through imaginative play, children explore new ideas, solve problems, and express themselves in ways that are uniquely their own. This creativity is not limited by reality; children are free to dream, experiment, and create without the constraints of practicality or feasibility.
As adults, we often lose touch with this sense of imagination. We become focused on the practicalities of life and need to remember to dream big or think creatively. Children, however, remind us that imagination is not just for play—it's a powerful tool for innovation, problem-solving, and personal growth.
I've seen how encouraging creativity can help children develop essential cognitive and emotional skills. Whether through art, storytelling, or imaginative play, creativity allows children to explore different perspectives, express their emotions, and develop a sense of agency in their lives.
Creativity is not just about making something new; it's about seeing the world in new ways and being open to possibilities. Children remind us that we all have the capacity for creativity and that it is essential to living a fulfilling and meaningful life. By embracing our imagination, we can break free from limitations, explore new ideas, and create a future filled with possibilities.
Children Experience Joy in Simple Things: Happiness in Everyday Moments
Children find joy in the simplest things—a puddle after the rain, a butterfly flitting by, or even a silly face from a friend. They remind us that happiness doesn't have to come from grand gestures or big moments; it can be found in small, everyday experiences.
In a world that often prioritizes achievement, success, and material wealth, it can be easy to forget that true happiness is not found in external accomplishments but in life's simple pleasures. With their unfiltered approach to the world, children are experts at finding joy in the mundane. They don't need extravagant toys or elaborate experiences to be happy—they find delight in the everyday moments that many of us overlook.
This ability to find joy in simple things is a powerful lesson for adults. It reminds us to slow down, appreciate the small moments, and focus on what truly matters. Whether it's spending time with loved ones, enjoying nature, or simply being present, these simple pleasures are often the source of the most profound and lasting happiness.
I've seen how cultivating this sense of joy can profoundly impact a child's well-being. By encouraging children to appreciate the small things in life, we can help them develop a positive outlook and a greater sense of contentment. This lesson is not just for children—it's one that we, as adults, can also benefit from. By focusing on the simple joys of life, we can reduce stress, increase our sense of well-being, and find more fulfillment in our daily lives.
Forgiveness and Letting Go: The Power of Moving On
One of the most admirable qualities of children is their ability to forgive and move on. They don't hold grudges or dwell on past wrongs; they let go of anger and resentment far more easily than most adults. This ability to forgive quickly is something we can all learn from.
Forgiveness is often seen as challenging and complex, but children demonstrate that it doesn't have to be. They quickly forgive and forget, allowing them to move on from conflicts and enjoy life without resentment. This ability to let go of negative emotions is critical to their overall happiness and well-being.
I've seen how holding on to anger and resentment can negatively impact a child's mental health and relationships. Children who struggle to forgive often experience increased stress, anxiety, and difficulty forming positive connections with others. On the other hand, children who can forgive and move on are more likely to experience positive emotions, build strong relationships, and maintain a sense of inner peace.
The ability to forgive is not just about letting go of past hurts—it's about freeing ourselves from the negative emotions that can hold us back. By learning to forgive, we can release anger and resentment and make room for positive experiences and feelings.
Children teach us that forgiveness is not about condoning wrong behavior or forgetting what happened; it's about choosing to move forward and not allowing past hurts to define us. If we choose to embrace this lesson, it can greatly improve our relationships and overall well-being.
Children Possess Boundless Energy and Enthusiasm: The Zest for Life
Children are bundles of energy. They approach life with a level of enthusiasm that is infectious, reminding us to embrace every moment with zest and to make the most of every opportunity. Children's energy and enthusiasm are two of their most endearing qualities. They approach each day excited and curious, ready to explore the world and face new challenges. This zest for life is something that many adults lose as they grow older, weighed down by responsibilities, stress, and the demands of everyday life.
In my practice, I've seen how this energy and enthusiasm can be harnessed to support a child's development and well-being. When children are encouraged to channel their energy into positive activities, they are more likely to develop a love for learning, build strong relationships, and achieve their goals.
Children's enthusiasm also reminds us of the importance of maintaining a positive attitude and a sense of wonder, no matter how old we are. By approaching life with the same excitement and curiosity that children do, we can stay motivated, engaged, and open to new experiences.
This lesson is vital in times of stress or uncertainty. When faced with challenges, it's easy to become discouraged or overwhelmed. But by embracing children's energy and enthusiasm, we can approach these challenges with optimism and a willingness to learn and grow.
Children Naturally Embrace a Growth Mindset: Embracing Challenges as Opportunities
Children are constantly learning and growing, and they do so with a mindset that embraces challenges as opportunities for development. They don't see failure as a stopping point but as a stepping stone to improvement. This growth mindset is something we can all benefit from adopting.
A growth mindset is the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, effort, and learning. This mindset contrasts with a fixed mindset, which assumes that our abilities are static and unchangeable. Children naturally lean towards a growth mindset because they constantly learn new skills, make mistakes, and try again.
In my practice, I've seen how a growth mindset can profoundly impact a child's development. Children who believe they can improve through effort are more likely to take on challenges, persist in the face of difficulties, and achieve their goals. They understand that failure is not an endpoint but an opportunity to learn and grow.
This mindset is beneficial not just for children but can also help adults achieve their goals and overcome challenges. By embracing a growth mindset, we can approach life with curiosity and a willingness to learn from our experiences. We see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles to avoid.
Children remind us that it's okay to struggle, fail, and try again because that's how we grow. They teach us that the journey of learning and self-improvement is ongoing and that the key to success is not avoiding failure but embracing it as part of the process.
The Lessons I've Learned
In nearly fifty years of practice, I've worked with countless children, each unique and many teaching me something new. Many have faced seemingly insurmountable struggles and survived; some have even thrived. They've shown me the power of unconditional love, the importance of living in the moment, and the value of a growth mindset. They've taught me to find joy in the simple things, to embrace curiosity, and to approach life with energy and enthusiasm. But most of all, they've reminded me that no matter how old we get, there's always something new to learn, always a new way to grow. Looking back on my career, I'm grateful for the lessons these children have taught me. They've made me a better neuropsychologist and person; I am eternally thankful for that. That is why, at 72 years of age, I continue working.
As we enter a new year, I wish each of you a safe, happy, and healthy year ahead. May we all continue to embrace the lessons of love, resilience, and curiosity that children naturally embody. Let us carry these values into the coming months, finding joy in the simple things and never stopping our growth journey. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you all a year filled with peace, connection, and endless possibilities. ◆
