Over the past few decades, I've devoted my professional life to studying and applying resilience, not as an abstract concept, but as something real and deeply human. In my work with Dr. Bob Brooks, we've asked the same core question repeatedly: What helps people, especially children, overcome adversity and move forward with hope and strength?
We've worked with families navigating trauma, children with learning and emotional challenges, and adults trying to understand their own stories. Through it all, one truth has stayed consistent: resilience isn't something we're born with or without. It's something we build. Something we practice. Something we teach.
For years, that idea gave me hope. We believed, and still believe, that with the proper support, guidance, and environment, anyone can develop resilience. But in recent years, something has shifted. As the world has grown more chaotic, uncertain, and overwhelming, I've found myself asking a new, much more complex question: Is resilience still just one option among many? Or has it become something more urgent, something essential for getting through life at all?
Where It All Started
When Bob and I first started working together, our focus was on children, particularly those who had been labeled, marginalized, or written off. These were kids facing real challenges: learning disabilities, emotional disorders, unstable home lives. And yet, some of them were thriving. Not just surviving, but thriving. Why?
What we saw again and again was that these children had one or more people in their lives who believed in them. They had structure. They had chances to try and fail in safe ways. They had purpose. They were learning how to handle frustration and disappointment. They had hope. That's what resilience looked like, not toughness, not perfection, but growth. We defined it as the capacity to navigate adversity and emerge with increased strength, understanding, and compassion, not despite the challenge, but through it.
Then the World Changed
Over the past ten years, the world has tested us all in ways we didn't expect. COVID-19 was the headline crisis, but it wasn't the only one. Wildfires, floods, political instability, rising violence, social unrest, and a growing mental health crisis have all piled on. And behind every headline are real people struggling: parents trying to hold their families together, teachers at their breaking point, children navigating fear and uncertainty.
What used to be individual or family crises have now become collective ones. No one is untouched. Resilience is no longer something we discuss only in classrooms or clinics. It's something everyone needs. Which brings me back to the question: Is resilience still optional?
More Than a Buzzword
Let's be clear, resilience is not about pretending everything's okay. It's not about "positive vibes only." It's about being honest with ourselves. It's about recognizing pain, processing it, and still finding a way to move forward. It's also not something you have or don't have. It's not fixed. Resilience is a process, a set of beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors that we build over time. It involves emotional regulation, problem-solving, social connection, and a sense of meaning.
We've taught this to children for years: that making mistakes isn't failure, it's a learning opportunity. That struggle isn't weakness, it's growth. And yet, when the adult world breaks down, we forget these same truths. People are tired. They're burned out. They're grieving. It feels like too much. But resilience doesn't mean going it alone. In fact, that's one of the biggest myths I've spent my career trying to dispel.
We Build It Together
In our work, Bob and I have always emphasized that resilience isn't an individual trait, it's deeply relational. Yes, internal mindset matters. But the environments we live in, the people we connect with, the support we receive shape our ability to be resilient. No child becomes resilient in a vacuum. Neither does any adult. We build resilience through relationships, communities, and systems that allow space for failure, reflection, and recovery. That encourages compassion over judgment, that rewards effort over perfection. So, while resilience may feel like a personal burden, it's actually a collective responsibility.
Quiet Examples, Loud Truths
I've witnessed more resilience than I can count. A father raising his children alone after the loss of his spouse. A teenager in foster care is finding her voice; a teacher showing up for his students in a school where resources have run dry. These aren't rare exceptions. They're everywhere, quiet acts of strength, dignity, and perseverance that keep the world turning. However, we cannot expect people to carry that weight without support. We can't keep saying "be resilient" while doing nothing to address the conditions that cause the pain. That's the paradox: resilience is essential, but not a substitute for justice, equity, or safety. It's not the answer to every problem. But it's the key to surviving and eventually thriving through them.
So, Is It Still an Option?
In today's world, I believe resilience is no longer optional. It's the foundation we must build on, personally, socially, systemically. We must teach it. Model it. Support it. We must stop treating it like a personal virtue and start seeing it as a societal need. We must also reframe how we discuss it. Resilience isn't about bouncing back. It's about bouncing forward. It's about using adversity as a catalyst for growth. About choosing connection over despair. Curiosity over fear. Action over helplessness.
One of the most potent things Bob often says is that resilience begins when we see ourselves as survivors, not victims. That's not just a nice idea. It's a mindset that changes lives. I still believe that resilience can be cultivated in anyone. I still think it's one of the most hopeful and human qualities we have. But today, it's more than a choice. It's a necessity.◆
