Do you remember sending your children off to kindergarten? For most children it is an exciting day. Though some children, due to serious medical, developmental or psychological problems may struggle on this day, most look forward to the opportunity of attending “big school” in earnest. All put on their new clothes, best smile and begin a journey through the educational system we have designed to prepare them to become happy, successful and functional adults.
On that first day of kindergarten, all parents have great hopes for their children. They hope their children will enjoy learning, perform well at school, behave appropriately, develop good friendships and grow up feeling confident and self-assured. On that first day of kindergarten most parents believe these hopes will be fulfilled if they are good parents: nurturing, available, loving, patient, consistent, supportive, encouraging and fair in their discipline.
On the first day of kindergarten each year, millions of children head off to school excited about the prospect of learning. Yet five years later, nearly 20% of these children, are struggling in school due to their inability to meet the behavioral, academic and emotional expectations of the school setting. It has become increasingly apparent to educational and mental health professionals in survey after survey that for a significant minority the experience of school is a demoralizing, ego deflating experience. By fifth grade, because of their struggles in school, one out of five children do not believe they are very intelligent. One out of five children lacks the confidence that they can successfully complete the academic and related tasks placed before them. These problems of childhood are blind to a child’s gender, ethnicity or family financial resources. They cut across all social and cultural boundaries. It is not unexpected that one out of five children might experience some aspect of school as challenging or difficult. Cognitive, emotional and behavioral skills are not evenly distributed within each child. Some children master certain activities with great ease while others struggle. It is the nature of their struggles, our ability to understand the reasons they struggle and what to do but, more importantly, our failure to develop an appreciation for the role our educational system plays in demoralizing these children that concerns me most.
Good parents strive to understand and help their children. But when problems interfere with a child’s school success, this effort is difficult. Often contradictions abound. Parents struggle to understand a child who may play quietly and contently at five years of age in a sandbox for an hour but cannot sit long enough to look through a book. It seems to defy all rational explanations that a child can remember the details of Pokemon characters but not the spelling words for a weekly test. It appears impossible that an excellent reader can have trouble adding and subtracting or that a child with superior intelligence on an I.Q. test can barely produce a simple written sentence. Yet there are explanations for these phenomena. Even more importantly, there are markers in early childhood well before a child enters kindergarten that can allow parents and professionals to identify those at risk and hopefully provide not just academic intervention, but emotional support during the process to prevent this increasing pattern of emotional fallout in our schools.
When parents and professionals confront a child’s puzzling school performance and attempt to identify reasons for difficulty, their thoughts typically evolve along certain lines. Many decide that there has been a lack of effort on the child’s part, cumulatively leading to problems. Some may consider a child lazy, immature, unmotivated or perhaps unwilling to learn. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Ask any child struggling in the early elementary grades about their desire to read and you will quickly realize. Children want to learn. Assigning blame does not solve the problem.
Next, parents and professionals often doubt themselves. How have they contributed to the problem? Educators fuel this difficulty in parents by often asking what parents are doing to assist the child as if, if parents were doing more their child would be doing better. In the vast majority of cases, inadequate parenting is a dead end as an explanation for children’s school problems.
At some point, our educational system must take responsibility for children who struggle. As a mental health professional and educational consultant, I routinely hear about bungled diagnoses or ineffective classroom instruction in a model that believes that change must come from within the child rather than the system. Despite their best efforts, many caring teachers simply don’t possess sufficient expertise or available time to help children who struggle feel good about themselves in the face of the educational challenges they experience.
For the moment, systemic change within our educational system moves slowly. Kindergartners with vulnerabilities who entered school just three months ago are already finding their way to my door and the doors of other mental health and educational professionals. If you are sending a young child off to school, I suggest you ask yourself six questions about their pre-academic development. This should alert you to the possibility that they may struggle in school.
- Did the child have difficulty learning the names of things? Children with early labeling problems will refer to everything as “that.”
- Did the child have difficulty associating the correct label with the correct letter, color or object (e.g., does the child confuse color, letter or object names)?
- Once label and associations are made, does the child have difficulty retrieving the information quickly? Can they name objects quickly or do they stammer and pause seeking to find the right name?
- Does the child have difficulty sequencing information such as learning the alphabet, phone number or address?
- Does the child have difficulty remembering how to form letters, draw shapes, designs or human figures?
- Does the child have difficulty regulating behavior or emotion? Do they become upset easily over minor stresses? Do they have difficulty sitting still for extended periods of time or completing tasks that may not necessarily be of their choosing?
All of these skills are critical for early school success. The first five represent the basic building blocks of learning to read, write, spell and perform mathematics. These skills are essential for success in the first four years of school. These weaknesses often elude parents yet they are strong markers of potential school struggles. When children are significantly delayed in language or general knowledge, parents are often well aware that their children are at risk before they enter school. Ultimately the successes of children with school problems and their emotional well being are the result of a mixture of hard work and persistence. Children vulnerable to school problems require empathy, understanding and support. As you and your child travel the road of education you will both learn much. When your child hits a bump, pot hole or is truly in a rut, remember these four guidelines my colleague Dr. Nancy Mather and I wrote about in our book Overcoming Underachieving.
- Common sense is a great ally. If all else fails, confront the problem from a common sense stance and stop worrying about what others – even so called experts – may think.
- As a parent you know your child best. Rely on that knowledge as you attempt to solve your child’s problems. If you feel that something is wrong, chances are your perception is accurate.
- Life is complicated and biology is not destiny. Though biology may set and define the boundaries of the playing field in each child’s individual life, unique character and life experiences and the educational system that recognizes your child’s needs and provides remediation and emotional support will affect outcome powerfully.
- A child with vulnerabilities at school is first and foremost a child. As my colleague, Dr. Robert Brooks, has pointed out, if one struggles with an ocean of inadequacy islands of competence are needed. These children require even stronger doses of all that every child needs; love, acceptance, respect and empathy.
We must begin to create an educational system that provides for the needs of all children without sacrificing their emotional well being, so that every child’s hopes and dreams on that first day of kindergarten come true.
